Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
