How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
