She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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