I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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