What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize