All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
