We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
