with your own penis?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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