Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
