I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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