he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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