I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
