why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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