let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
