So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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