Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
