the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize