Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
