i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
