i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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