im drinking this country out of the recession.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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