ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
