I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize