There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
