I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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