Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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