Me. At least after what I've been through.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
