I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
