There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
