Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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