hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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