3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
