Kiss
Puke
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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