Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
