the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
