i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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