got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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