atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
