Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
