You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
