I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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