i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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