Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
