you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
