It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
