Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
