It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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