At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
