k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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