i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
