if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
