is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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