u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
