I'm lost and stupid without you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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