so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
