to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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