I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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