Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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