So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
