Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
