my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
