i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
