Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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