i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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