a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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