the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
