so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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