If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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