I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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