so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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