It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
