break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
