I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I see more hoeing in ur future
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