I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
