didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
