Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
