I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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