To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
