Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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