I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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