is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
