Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
