Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
