I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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