Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love accidental penises.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
