how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
