He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
