Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
