I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
