Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
