Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
