please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I could fuck to npr.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
