We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
