The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
