is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
