Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
