im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
