And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
