He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
